A Safe New World: The Winter Break

A Canadian Elementary School, around about mid-December, 2067.

The Madisons were a relatively young family, both Mr and Mrs Madison being in their early thirties, and their son, James, being in grade two. Having recently moved, Mr. and Mrs. Madison were eager to ingratiate their son amongst his new classmates. Aside from their open-minded attitudes regarding sleep-overs, and having his new friends over on weekends, the Madisons had made the joint agreement that it would be a nice gesture to bake a batch of cupcakes for the class in celebration of the upcoming Christmas Holidays.

So they did, but it wasn’t. This gesture had been so poorly received by the principle of the school, in fact, that it had not only landed James in the principle’s office, but had, for the time being, done the same to his parents.¹

“I’m not sure if I understand you completely,” ventured Mr. Madison, who, in his confidence as a relatively young man, believed himself to be still in touch with what was seen as normal and friendly behaviour. “Your saying that James is in trouble for handing out cupcakes for Christmas?”

“Noo, no no no no” backtracked Principal Roguerity with a soft patting motion of his hands as if he were putting out an invisible fire, “there was nothing wrong with the cupcakes, nothing at all. I must admit, I managed to get a hold of one myself- very tasty!” He smiled. The Principal was a thin middle-aged man, although something about the frumpiness of his frame suggested that he did rather enjoy his deserts. Mr. Madison could have sworn he saw a pink sprinkle stuck to one of his teeth, but maybe that was just the light. Probably not.

“What I am saying, is that the problem lies within his wishing of Merry Christmas to his classmates.” He looked at each of the Madisons in turn, with one squinted eye. The Madisons were visible perplexed. “I’m not sure if I tota-” began Mrs. Madison, “You see,” continued the Principal, as if he hadn’t stopped talking, “This is not a Catholic school, it is a public school, and, as a result, we do our best to keep the specific aspects of religious devotion out of our general ‘lingo’”²

“So Christmas is out.” Concluded Mr. Madison, with resignation. “Not out,” corrected the Principal educationally, “simply…less discussed.”

“Hm.” Mr. Madison replied. His hand, which had previously supported his chin, fell to his knee as he continued to gaze out the window of the Principal’s office in half-hearted thought.

Mrs. Madison, looking from her husband to the Principal, did her best to appear less annoyed than she really was, and decided the best strategy for this was to appear constructive. “So next time,” she suggested, “maybe cupcakes and ‘Happy Holidays?’” The smile that had accompanied her suggestion faded quickly as the Principal chuckled and shook his round head.

“I’m afraid, you don’t quite understand the extent of our dedication to this principle.” He began, “you see, along with the charged words like Christmas and Hanukka, Holiday also carries connotations of celebration. Although we realize that we host many Christian and Jewish children at this school, we have decided that it is unfair to assume that these are the only beliefs represented.” Looking expectant, Principal Roguerity opened his hands up in an apparent gesture of intellectual offering while thrusting is head forward as if the conclusion was obvious.

Feeling significantly lost and, as previously stated, still quite perplexed, Mrs. Madison ventured a hesitant answer “ah…Orrrthodox?” she guessed, squinting with effort. 

“Hm,” the Principal replied, “maybe!... In this case, however, my point is that we cannot assume that there are no atheist families who send their children to this school and who, as a result of their beliefs in not believing, have nothing to celebrate over the break other then the respite from school, which I doubt any of us would deem deserving of a formal ‘celebration.’” Mr. Madison’s hand had now returned to his face, but was now supporting his forehead instead of his chin.³

“To cut to the chase,” continued the Principal, eying Mr. Madison, “we would rather call the winter break just that: a break.”

“So, ‘Happy Winter Break’ instead of ‘Merry Christmas’” concluded Mrs. Madison, with an apparent eagerness to understand the Principal’s point that scarcely concealed her eagerness to end the conversation. “Yes, that would do very well I think” responded Principal Roguerity.

“Alllright!” chimed in Mr. Madison, slapping his hand down on his chair’s armrest, “hear that buddy? No more “Merry Christmas”s, and you’ll keep yourself out of trouble. You don’t want to offend people, right?”

James, who had been counting how fast he could kick his legs in the silent moments of the grown-up’s conversation, finally clued into the conversation on the central point. “No more Merry Christmases?!” he asked, both indignant and clearly frightened. He looked at his mom in desperation, “No, no, that’s not what Daddy meant Jamie, you see-”

“Please, please, Mrs. Madison, may I?” The Principal asked in a smooth reassuring tone that did not in the least reassure her. Holding out an arm as if to say both “stop” and “would-you-mind?” Mrs. Madison sat back in resignation and motioned towards her son.

“You see James,” he began, “you and your family can absolutely have a Merry Christmas, just, in your home! No need to worry!” He declared, smiling. James was instantly gratified, the situation being cleared up, he was ready to descend back into his competition with his own feet, when the Principal continued.

“But what about some of the other kids who don’t celebrate Christmas? Hm?” He asked.

James had no idea, the only thought that crossed his mind where that the kids who did not celebrate Christmas were seriously missing out. He made a mental note to tell all of his friends about it, just in case

“Don’t you think its unfair to force your own beliefs onto them by having them celebrate a holiday they don’t believe in?”

Taking offence to the idea that James was forcing his friends to do anything, and, equally, that he could have done this with cupcakes, James interjected. “But that’s not what I was doing. Everybody loved the cupcakes! Even the teacher! I was just being nice!”

“And I have no doubt of your good intentions, James” the Principal consoled, “all I’m saying, and this is important, is that although you had good intentions, your friendly gesture was perhaps not seen as friendly by some of your fellow class-mates. Maybe,” he ventured, “somebody was put in an uncomfortable situation because you asked them to take part in your own beliefs, to which they did not subscribe?... And, maybe, they didn’t feel comfortable enough to express their discomfort with the situation because they were so uncomfortable….does that make sense James?”

No, it did not. James, squinting slightly in concentration, decided that he could not, in fact, see any more important point then the fundamental fact that he had given his friends cupcakes, they had enjoyed them, and that they were all, as far as he could tell, excited for the break. Clearly, the Principal did not share his order of priorities, so he decided to drop the issue altogether.

 “Yes” replied James with certainty. “Good!” replied Principal Roguerity, clapping his hands together in satisfaction. “good, well, I think that’s all I wanted to say. Innocent mistake, no harm done!” He smiled.

“Right,” said Mrs. Madison, dismissively, “well, thank you for your time…hopefully we won’t see much more of you!” She laughed, then hesitated, “not that we don’t want to see you, of course” “of course” replied the Principal with a chuckle, “just that, you know, hopefully Jamie won’t be in trouble again…” “I understand” the Principle said, reassuring her by closing his eyes as he spoke.

Rising from his seat as the relatively young family got up to leave his office, Principle Roguerity felt a warm feeling of accomplishment, a feeling that he had truly done the children a fine service. Who knows how many non-believing children he had just saved from certain social discomfort?! 4

Sliding down from his chair, James trundled off next to his Dad’s leg, eager to ensure that his friends did, in fact, know about Christmas, and, because the Principal had made him think about it a little too much, to ask again whether or not they liked his cupcakes...he was pretty sure they had.

His father, meanwhile, squeezing his wife’s hand out of support, did his best to hid his wry grin from the Principal who he now believed had far too much time on his hands and far too little respect for the value of other peoples’ time.

1.This situation was of course brushed off by both Mr. and Mrs. Madison in each of their respective work places as “having to save the little guy from the boss” and “having to find out what my baby has done this time…probably nothing serious” respectively. It was in fact them who needed saving, and who had, in the principle’s view, done something serious.

2. The Principal’s odd finger bending which accompanied this last word confused James, who was instantly reminded of when he gave his friends bunny-ears in pictures. He decided it must be something similar, and that ‘lingo’ must refer to either bunny-related things, or a joke. James chose the later option, and smiled in satisfaction.

3. Although this was taken by the lofty-principled Principal as a sign of exasperation, Mr. Madison was not at all exasperated. He was bored. Horribly bored, and weighing the options of whether to go to Harvey’s or MacDonald’s for lunch. Harvey’s, he decided.

4. The Principal found this warm feeling so gratifying, in fact, that he used his spare time- which was one of his greatest commodities- to pursue his interests regarding social sensitivity in local grass-roots groups. Little did he (or anybody else for that matter, particularly the Madison family) know, this passion would eventually lead him to rise within the ranks of a local political group which would later become significantly more popular along with similar initiatives in several other countries. This group, which called itself the P.R.s (the Popular Rationals), was still fairly non-descript at this point in time, but would eventually enjoy wide support in Canada. As a result, its principles, along with some of its most popular members, where amalgamated into the ever-sterile leading party in Canada- the NCL (New Conservative Liberal Party) in 2081. That being said, however, this was all in the future, and therefore none of our business. Suffice it to say that the Principal’s warm feeling was one heck of a warm feeling.

A Safe New World: The Rally

An “anti-offence” rally at a western-situated University, Fall, 2180.

It was one the most dramatic public arguments that had arisen in months. Of course, these events were bound to dredge up the “fanatics.” It was shortly after the beginning of the semester, and one of the student protest groups had already began their campaign. The current rally’s slogan was highlighted in a large digital panel held over the stage, reading “DOWN WITH OFFENSIVENESS.”¹

Between the non-imposing speeches provided by the various members of the group, an upstart first-year had triggered a heated argument involving several of the rally’s attendees. Being at the back of the closely huddled mob listening to the protest, the young man had said- quite loudly- “Hey! Can you please use a microphone?! We can’t hear you at the back!”

The nerve. As to be expected, his audacity was lept upon instantly.

Turning around with the look of poorly-concealed irritation, a short blond girl turned around and peered up at him.

“What do you mean, we?” She demanded.

The boy, blustering already, didn’t say much. Gesturing around him, he managed to get out “Well, ah, the people at the back…they’re not using a microphone…I want to hear them.”

“Hm,” she replied, incredulous, “Since when were you decreed the representative of “the people at the back”? I can hear them fine.” She stated, one judgmental hand on one judgmental hip. “Just because I’m in the back, and I can’t necessarily see everything ‘cause there’s taller people in front me, doesn’t mean I’m just going to yell “HEY! I CAN’T SEE BACK HERE, CAN’T EVERYBODY SHRINK?!” Several people had now turned toward her, nodding in agreement, and somehow simultaneously showing their contempt for the boy.

“But I wasn’t-” the boy began, “Yeah,” chimed in a guy next to him. “you’ve seem to have forgotten about everybody else here!” Gesturing out towards the crowd, this new student continued, “How do you know people want it louder?..Hm? What about those of us with sensitive hearing?”

“Even on TOP of that” another student chimed in, “Not that I’m disagreeing with either of you two- who both make good and valid points by the way-” The other two nodded in polite recognition “What about those people who have finally managed to convince organizations like this to adopt ‘earth-pal’ initiatives?”² At this, several hands came out of the crowd and patted the third contributor on the back “Oh, thank you, yes…thank you…” he replied. Having turned around to shake each friendly student’s hand in thanks for their appreciation of his comment, the boy finally managed to slip away, acknowledging the unwelcoming atmosphere that had rebuked his insensitivity so quickly.

With the troublemaker gone, the well-meaning crowd once again pressed in to do their very best to hear the equally well-minded speaker who had just taken the stage. This very well-rounded individual,³ after having taken a cautious sip of water from a white glass with “peace” scrawled across it (with “caution: may contain hot liquids” stamped underneath), began to speak in a steady tone:

“Injustice is, and always will be, intolerable.” He began, discreetly holding up one finger as if to point out the idea in the air, “The recent events which have transpired in Australia cannot be simply looked over as an event in a foreign country, but at as an event of the world. OUR world!”

He paused for effect, which may or may have not been effective.

“The State in Australia has become threatened.” He continued, “threatened by the dangerously polarizing effects of disagreement!⁴ Representative Aedrean Austral⁵ has produced a scandal which we, the citizens of the world, will not soon forget. In placing the well-meaning citizens of Australia above the equally well-minded citizens of all the other countries of this, our planet, he has tipped the balance of equality which the world’s governments have worked so hard towards. Worse yet, other Australians have actually agreed with him!”

A low disapproving rumour, with many “I can’t believe it”s and “amazing”s and “despicable”s rose up from the crowd.

“Yes! I know!” He replied, leaning forward and raising his eyebrows in communal shock, “They say the Australian people have particular needs, that their state is in the best place to cater to these needs, and that, by trying to not offend the rest of the world, it has left them neglected!”

The well-rounded speaker reared up and placed his hands behind his back, “Sound familiar?” he asked, in an ominously calm tone.⁶

The crowd nodded in grave silence.

“We all know the consequences of these types of disagreements: they can be very serious. I am not one to war-monger, however, and I am not about to condemn those radical Australians who are currently disagreeing with the status-quo.” The speaker said with a slight head tilt and rye smile which seemed to say ‘I’m-not-about-to-fall-for-that-old-trick.’

“We must always give them the benefit of the doubt,” he continued, “as we cannot presume to know every detail of the conflict which is currently raging down under” With a slight smirk, you could tell the speaker had very much enjoyed his brief foray into the realm of colloquial terminology.

“Instead, what we CAN do, as conscientious members of this world, is stand and show our opposition to offensive behaviour.” The speaker’s voice was now rising in volume, and the crowd remained calm.

“Presuming that the good people in Australia will work out their differences- for we do not want to accuse them of being incapable!- We are left with the obvious culprit: confusion. With disagreement, comes the destruction of a national consensus, and with that, a state of confusion in which people are likely to rashly pick a side which likely opposes- inadvertently perhaps- another.”

Pausing to let this delicate display of rhetorical ability sink in, the speaker drew up a fist to his chest and continued, “It is in these moments of division…and polarization… that offence is born….and it is to THIS tragic situation, which currently looms over Australia like a dark cloud, that we say, “STOP”!” Punctuating his final words with a small pump of his loosely clenched fist, the speaker, ending his tactfully brief speech, inaudibly thanked the crowd for their attention, and walked off the stage to the moderate applause of the crowd.

“Hm..” One student said to another, “Excellent points, just excellent.” “Absolutely,” said another. “Not that we have anything against Australians, though.” “No!” the first replied, cautiously looking around for the sign of an offended face, “of course not.”

¹ There was a conspicuous lack of rally signs and pamphlets. Such attention-grabbing techniques had long since been abandoned as they were both aggressive (what about the people who weren’t against confusion?), and a colossal waste of paper (what about the trees and the people who care about them?).

² Earth-pal initiatives was a non-confrontational and polite group of well-minded students who sought to convince (in a friendly way) other student groups to be more ecologically friendly. This protest group had done so by deciding to save power and give their speeches without microphones. It is worthy to note that the overly aggressive boy in question was not the only one who couldn’t quite hear everything that was being said, but, in deference to the hard work that had clearly gone into the rally, they largely trusted that what the group members were saying was altogether agreeable.

³ For those of you unfamiliar with the jargon, “well-rounded individual” was one the most complimentary ways to describe just about anybody. A “well-rounded individual” was one with a medium physique, not too tall, short-crop hair, and beigy-white clothing. Truly an epitome of the current fashion, for any of the numerous gender variations.

⁴ “The State” was, by then, a general term which could be applied to nearly every government in the world, which had, in the previous century, amalgamated the divergent wings of political thought into a unified party which got little done and offended even fewer people. The division which had erupted in Australia was caused by one of the elected officials’ ideas that the Australian State should be more concerned with not offending Australians then not offending the citizens of the other countries, thereby (obviously) causing a significant amount of offence which rippled throughout the rest of the flabbergasted world.

⁵ Everybody in Australia, in fact, had this last name. Surnames only caused difference and conflict, after all.

⁶ The speaker was, clearly enough, referencing the Fifth World War which had erupted between Greenland and India in 2098. Claiming to have “drastically different needs” than the Indian population, Greenland had erupted in country-wide protests which eventually led to a declaration of war between the two countries, followed by the involvement of every other country in support of India, who had been seriously offended. Greenland’s selfish population had been utterly destroyed, and the land was now being used partially as a landfill, and partially as a natural penitentiary for those found guilty of what the UN called “gross offensiveness.”