A Canadian Elementary School, around about mid-December, 2067.
The Madisons were a relatively young family, both Mr and Mrs Madison being in their early thirties, and their son, James, being in grade two. Having recently moved, Mr. and Mrs. Madison were eager to ingratiate their son amongst his new classmates. Aside from their open-minded attitudes regarding sleep-overs, and having his new friends over on weekends, the Madisons had made the joint agreement that it would be a nice gesture to bake a batch of cupcakes for the class in celebration of the upcoming Christmas Holidays.
So they did, but it wasn’t. This gesture had been so poorly received by the principle of the school, in fact, that it had not only landed James in the principle’s office, but had, for the time being, done the same to his parents.1
“I’m not sure if I understand you completely,” ventured Mr. Madison, who, in his confidence as a relatively young man, believed himself to be still in touch with what was seen as normal and friendly behaviour. “Your saying that James is in trouble for handing out cupcakes for Christmas?”
“Noo, no no no no” backtracked Principal Roguerity with a soft patting motion of his hands as if he were putting out an invisible fire, “there was nothing wrong with the cupcakes, nothing at all. I must admit, I managed to get a hold of one myself- very tasty!” He smiled. The Principal was a thin middle-aged man, although something about the frumpiness of his frame suggested that he did rather enjoy his deserts. Mr. Madison could have sworn he saw a pink sprinkle stuck to one of his teeth, but maybe that was just the light. Probably not.
“What I am saying, is that the problem lies within his wishing of Merry Christmas to his classmates.” He looked at each of the Madisons in turn, with one squinted eye. The Madisons were visible perplexed. “I’m not sure if I tota-” began Mrs. Madison, “You see,” continued the Principal, as if he hadn’t stopped talking, “This is not a Catholic school, it is a public school, and, as a result, we do our best to keep the specific aspects of religious devotion out of our general ‘lingo’”2
“So Christmas is out.” Concluded Mr. Madison, with resignation. “Not out,” corrected the Principal educationally, “simply…less discussed.”
“Hm.” Mr. Madison replied. His hand, which had previously supported his chin, fell to his knee as he continued to gaze out the window of the Principal’s office in half-hearted thought.
Mrs. Madison, looking from her husband to the Principal, did her best to appear less annoyed than she really was, and decided the best strategy for this was to appear constructive. “So next time,” she suggested, “maybe cupcakes and ‘Happy Holidays?’” The smile that had accompanied her suggestion faded quickly as the Principal chuckled and shook his round head.
“I’m afraid, you don’t quite understand the extent of our dedication to this principle.” He began, “you see, along with the charged words like Christmas and Hanukka, Holiday also carries connotations of celebration. Although we realize that we host many Christian and Jewish children at this school, we have decided that it is unfair to assume that these are the only beliefs represented.” Looking expectant, Principal Roguerity opened his hands up in an apparent gesture of intellectual offering while thrusting is head forward as if the conclusion was obvious.
Feeling significantly lost and, as previously stated, still quite perplexed, Mrs. Madison ventured a hesitant answer “ah…Orrrthodox?” she guessed, squinting with effort.
“Hm,” the Principal replied, “maybe!... In this case, however, my point is that we cannot assume that there are no atheist families who send their children to this school and who, as a result of their beliefs in not believing, have nothing to celebrate over the break other then the respite from school, which I doubt any of us would deem deserving of a formal ‘celebration.’” Mr. Madison’s hand had now returned to his face, but was now supporting his forehead instead of his chin.3
“To cut to the chase,” continued the Principal, eying Mr. Madison, “we would rather call the winter break just that: a break.”
“So, ‘Happy Winter Break’ instead of ‘Merry Christmas’” concluded Mrs. Madison, with an apparent eagerness to understand the Principal’s point that scarcely concealed her eagerness to end the conversation. “Yes, that would do very well I think” responded Principal Roguerity.
“Alllright!” chimed in Mr. Madison, slapping his hand down on his chair’s armrest, “hear that buddy? No more “Merry Christmas”s, and you’ll keep yourself out of trouble. You don’t want to offend people, right?”
James, who had been counting how fast he could kick his legs in the silent moments of the grown-up’s conversation, finally clued into the conversation on the central point. “No more Merry Christmases?!” he asked, both indignant and clearly frightened. He looked at his mom in desperation, “No, no, that’s not what Daddy meant Jamie, you see-”
“Please, please, Mrs. Madison, may I?” The Principal asked in a smooth reassuring tone that did not in the least reassure her. Holding out an arm as if to say both “stop” and “would-you-mind?” Mrs. Madison sat back in resignation and motioned towards her son.
“You see James,” he began, “you and your family can absolutely have a Merry Christmas, just, in your home! No need to worry!” He declared, smiling. James was instantly gratified, the situation being cleared up, he was ready to descend back into his competition with his own feet, when the Principal continued.
“But what about some of the other kids who don’t celebrate Christmas? Hm?” He asked.
James had no idea, the only thought that crossed his mind where that the kids who did not celebrate Christmas were seriously missing out. He made a mental note to tell all of his friends about it, just in case
“Don’t you think its unfair to force your own beliefs onto them by having them celebrate a holiday they don’t believe in?”
Taking offence to the idea that James was forcing his friends to do anything, and, equally, that he could have done this with cupcakes, James interjected. “But that’s not what I was doing. Everybody loved the cupcakes! Even the teacher! I was just being nice!”
“And I have no doubt of your good intentions, James” the Principal consoled, “all I’m saying, and this is important, is that although you had good intentions, your friendly gesture was perhaps not seen as friendly by some of your fellow class-mates. Maybe,” he ventured, “somebody was put in an uncomfortable situation because you asked them to take part in your own beliefs, to which they did not subscribe?... And, maybe, they didn’t feel comfortable enough to express their discomfort with the situation because they were so uncomfortable….does that make sense James?”
No, it did not. James, squinting slightly in concentration, decided that he could not, in fact, see any more important point then the fundamental fact that he had given his friends cupcakes, they had enjoyed them, and that they were all, as far as he could tell, excited for the break. Clearly, the Principal did not share his order of priorities, so he decided to drop the issue altogether.
“Yes” replied James with certainty. “Good!” replied Principal Roguerity, clapping his hands together in satisfaction. “good, well, I think that’s all I wanted to say. Innocent mistake, no harm done!” He smiled.
“Right,” said Mrs. Madison, dismissively, “well, thank you for your time…hopefully we won’t see much more of you!” She laughed, then hesitated, “not that we don’t want to see you, of course” “of course” replied the Principal with a chuckle, “just that, you know, hopefully Jamie won’t be in trouble again…” “I understand” the Principle said, reassuring her by closing his eyes as he spoke.
Rising from his seat as the relatively young family got up to leave his office, Principle Roguerity felt a warm feeling of accomplishment, a feeling that he had truly done the children a fine service. Who knows how many non-believing children he had just saved from certain social discomfort?! 4
Sliding down from his chair, James trundled off next to his Dad’s leg, eager to ensure that his friends did, in fact, know about Christmas, and, because the Principal had made him think about it a little too much, to ask again whether or not they liked his cupcakes...he was pretty sure they had.
His father, meanwhile, squeezing his wife’s hand out of support, did his best to hid his wry grin from the Principal who he now believed had far too much time on his hands and far too little respect for the value of other peoples’ time.
1.This situation was of course brushed off by both Mr. and Mrs. Madison in each of their respective work places as “having to save the little guy from the boss” and “having to find out what my baby has done this time…probably nothing serious” respectively. It was in fact them who needed saving, and who had, in the principle’s view, done something serious.
2. The Principal’s odd finger bending which accompanied this last word confused James, who was instantly reminded of when he gave his friends bunny-ears in pictures. He decided it must be something similar, and that ‘lingo’ must refer to either bunny-related things, or a joke. James chose the later option, and smiled in satisfaction.
3. Although this was taken by the lofty-principled Principal as a sign of exasperation, Mr. Madison was not at all exasperated. He was bored. Horribly bored, and weighing the options of whether to go to Harvey’s or MacDonald’s for lunch. Harvey’s, he decided.
4. The Principal found this warm feeling so gratifying, in fact, that he used his spare time- which was one of his greatest commodities- to pursue his interests regarding social sensitivity in local grass-roots groups. Little did he (or anybody else for that matter, particularly the Madison family) know, this passion would eventually lead him to rise within the ranks of a local political group which would later become significantly more popular along with similar initiatives in several other countries. This group, which called itself the P.R.s (the Popular Rationals), was still fairly non-descript at this point in time, but would eventually enjoy wide support in Canada. As a result, its principles, along with some of its most popular members, where amalgamated into the ever-sterile leading party in Canada- the NCL (New Conservative Liberal Party) in 2081. That being said, however, this was all in the future, and therefore none of our business. Suffice it to say that the Principal’s warm feeling was one heck of a warm feeling.
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